I'm gonna smash it up till there's nothing left ([info]shmivejournal) wrote,
@ 2007-07-03 11:12:00
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an aim conversation about zombies, werewolves and marriage with a random person on aim i do not know


person: Jay barnes!
person: I need to ask you an important question
person: If you have sex with a zombie, are you a half necrophiliac, or a full necrophiliac?
jay: hmm
person: It's been bothering me for a long time.
person: And you seem pretty intelligent and logical, so I figured I'd ask you.
jay: i think the more interesting question is whether or not you can obtain legal consent from a zombie
jay: because generally, dead people don't say no
person: Well, it depends on the zombie....
jay: and i don't know if that means they're very easy
jay: or if it's just the indifference to disease and possible pregnancy
jay: because try to collect child support from a zombie, just try
jay: you can't
jay: they're deadbeats
person: in most zombie movies, they're kinda of slow, and from what I can tell, incapable of conversation...
person: what if you rape one??
person: It wouldn't be legal, but it would still be fornication!
jay: that's what i'm saying though
jay: you can't rape a zombie because they don't say no
jay: they're up for anything
person: Hmmm
person: I see what you're saying now.
jay: and they say they want someone with brains
jay: but they're full of it
jay: they'll do anybody
person: Well according to my friend Emily, you're a full necrophiliac if you have sex with a zombie, for the simple reason that they're not 'really' living....they're usually just puppets being controlled by an outside force such as voodoo or virus (like in resident evil)
jay: ahh
jay: but that's most people, too
person: I disagree though...I mean like you said, that's how most people are! I don't think it depends on their source of life, but if they're living at all.
jay: right
jay: more importantly
jay: i'm concerned that zombies might be able to marry one another
jay: i think this threatens the culture of the living
person: Do you think zombies have conscious thought about whether they would marry someone? it's a big responsibility!
jay: i mean, you let zombies marry and what's next, werewolves?
jay: i am not marrying a werewolf
person: Well that's cool, you still have that choice
person: WAIT
person: I LIED
person: what if the werewolves eat all the humans??
person: OR
person: if you're already married to a human, and she is attacked by a werewolf
person: would you divorce her?
jay: interesting question
jay: so, she becomes a werewolf, she's just not maimed, right?
person: Yeah.
jay: i'm not sure, i don't think you can really change people
jay: so if they change, you can't really change them back
jay: what happened to the woman i married! we have grown apart.. quickly.
person: So i'm guessing that's a yes....concidering that she might eat your face off...
jay: i also have an issue with hair
jay: so it just wouldn't work
person: Most def....
jay: if she turned into a zombie though
jay: i am absolved
person: I kinda have an issue with rotting flesh
jay: because the agreement was 'till death do us part'
person: but that's not the point....
jay: it doesn't matter if there is some undeath after the the death
jay: i'm off the hook

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[info]snosage
2007-07-03 03:55 pm UTC (link)
If you are David Cronenberg, the zombies usually want to rape you.

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[info]shmivejournal
2007-07-03 03:58 pm UTC (link)
i am both flattered and validated

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[info]mrsmalkav
2007-07-03 06:38 pm UTC (link)
omg.

i hadn't heard of that one....

why does cronenberg scare me so? and given that, why do i love his movies so?

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[info]angeladipuk
2008-07-16 08:31 pm UTC (link)
Oh my God. So not funny. So unpleasant all-around. Don't make me relive it. And worst of all, I can't get the image of Owen Wilson - who used to be in my harem but graduated out when he abandoned "Bottle Rocket" for crap - looking 20 years older than Rachel MacAdams.

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[info]potatohead
2007-07-03 04:03 pm UTC (link)
I didn't think there could be female werewolves?

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[info]shmivejournal
2007-07-03 04:11 pm UTC (link)
aw come on, it's the aughts.

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[info]potatohead
2007-07-03 04:18 pm UTC (link)
I prefer aughties.

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[info]iggoramma27
2007-07-03 04:18 pm UTC (link)
Perhaps you should make the zombie question into a poll? I'm curious to see if other people might believe that you're only half necrophiliac :P Also, for anyone curious, the person's name is Sarah :)

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[info]thepencilmiser
2007-07-03 06:15 pm UTC (link)
Ah, but what of vampires? Technically undead, but not really mindless and with less decay. 1/3 necrophilia?

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[info]shmivejournal
2007-07-04 07:30 pm UTC (link)
I think once you're movin' around after you're dead you get reclassified as something that /has/ indeed died, but isn't necessarily dead now, just.. something else. This allows to to continue to delineate between things that have died and things that have not, the old system of dead/not dead stands, but you can further drill down into various sorts of post-death scenarios that might need greater clarification.

I can't believe I just typed that.

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[info]thepencilmiser
2007-07-04 09:34 pm UTC (link)
I can :P

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[info]cruelhazel
2007-07-03 09:17 pm UTC (link)
I don't know. I mean, Jesus was a zombie. It seems like if Jesus could get away with being a zombie, then they deserve some rights. Then again, there's no mention of Jesus being married, really. Post-zombification, that is.
What if you're not dead, just dead on the inside?

Also, if sleeping with a zombie IS necrophilia, then does that make sleeping with werewolves bestiality? Or only if the werewolf is currently in wolf form?

And if a zombie and a werewolf sleep together, will the world cease to exist?

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[info]shmivejournal
2007-07-04 07:40 pm UTC (link)
I am not sure if sleeping with a werewolf is bestiality because the werewolf was indeed, and could very well continue to be, human in the future for durations. If you believe in evolution, then you also believe that all sentient beings on the planet share a lineage if you go back far enough, so it's really a species sort of situation, I think. A species, I suppose, stops and another begins when the genetic difference among them ceases to allow this to occur.

Therefore, if you slept with a werewolf and you were able to have offspring, I don't think that would qualify as bestiality, just ill-advised -- like sleeping with someone raised by wolves, or someone who is severely mentally retarded.

You could have sex with a vampire, and later on they turn into a bat, or maybe even while they're a bat? If you're going to draw up a veen diagram, it makes you a batfucker. But, I think the emphasis on the whole bestiality aspect may be pointless because more or less, once you cross into the territory of bedding the supernatural, you have flipped the proverbial roadway hazard lights into the on position.

I can't believe I typed that either.




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[info]tworabbitshow
2007-07-03 09:36 pm UTC (link)
What kind of "dead" are we talking about here? Brain death? Would zombies count as dead in that case? Or something a little more romantically abstract, like death of the soul? If that's the case I know quite a few people who couldn't legally give consent.

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[info]monikajixeb
2008-07-16 03:19 pm UTC (link)
Those who know something about zombie history can talk more about this. Posted by: delagar | Jul PM Man, talk about "when all you have is a hammer.

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[info]iamoddd
2007-07-03 11:07 pm UTC (link)
jay: more importantly
jay: i'm concerned that zombies might be able to marry one another
jay: i think this threatens the culture of the living


i think "person" might have missed why the above statements are supposed to be funny.

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(Anonymous)
2007-07-04 01:33 am UTC (link)
I didn't miss it, I just disregarded it..... I had bigger fish to fry! ;)

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[info]iamoddd
2007-07-04 02:42 am UTC (link)
I just imagined someone sautéing a zombie in a life-sized olive-oiled skillet. It wasn't pretty.

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[info]shmivejournal
2007-07-04 07:43 pm UTC (link)
I basically do things to make myself laugh, if you do that, it doesn't matter.

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[info]fyremaven
2007-07-03 11:34 pm UTC (link)
i think i saw you recently on a game show. it was you, wasn't it!

:D

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[info]shmivejournal
2007-07-04 07:45 pm UTC (link)
Nope, though I have considered trying out for some quiz shows. I am a walking compendium of completely useless knowledge. Unfortunately, a lot of my useless knowledge isn't even of the same variety that other purveyors of useless knowledge would respect.

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relatedly:
[info]laurelana_jones
2007-07-03 11:46 pm UTC (link)
46%

Mingle2 - Free Online Dating

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the proverbial roadway hazard lights - say I am a Cronenberg fan, too, and I don't know why
[info]maxwellgrant
2007-07-05 01:12 am UTC (link)
I was busy with this conversation trying to determine if this AIMer was -
- female
- some old crackpot guy

I went with the former when the marriage part of the conversation began.

I believe that Zombies do marry - basing this on their habit of recreating work habits they had before death - but then am I contradicting myself as they are not involved in any future plans (besides eating people) so marriage would be a future thing. Zombies are not here to procreate and get it on, they are here to destroy.

I am not that interested in messing with werewolves (Lila the Werewolf was hot) or vampires (whose true form could be demonic) but do wish Tigress from THE AVENGERS was real.

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Re: the proverbial roadway hazard lights - say I am a Cronenberg fan, too, and I don't know why
(Anonymous)
2007-07-05 05:13 am UTC (link)
Nope, I'm just a gay old man ;)

haha I'm kidding, the "person" is a 15 year old chick named sarah! But i'm glad to know i qualify as a creepy old man ^_^

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[info]vocodedreality
2007-07-06 01:05 pm UTC (link)
Yeah but they're UNdead. If you engage something and then unengage something you are back to where you started. If something is undead it is returned to the life stage that it was in prior to becoming dead.
Hypothetically if a woman has a sex change to become a man and then has another sex change to become "unman" and back to it's previous state of a woman would it be a homosexual act for a man to sleep with her?
Let's take a look at what Wikipedia has to say about life

"Life is a condition that distinguishes organisms from inorganic objects, i.e. non-life, and dead organisms, being manifested by growth through metabolism, reproduction, and the power of adaptation to environment through changes originating internally"

For you conservatives out there Conservapedia says this about life

"John Conway is a professor of Finite Mathematics at Princeton University.
Conway invented a cellular automaton game called Life, which was meant to simulate the ecology of one-celled creatures but is mostly a lot of fun. [1]
Life is probably the most often programmed computer game in existence. [ibid] "

I'm going to use the Wikipedia definition which has three main points.

Metabolism - Zombies eat brains. Since zombies seem to have an unlimited appetite for brains the brains they eat must be metabolized unless zombies are inherently shy and bulimic.

Reproduction - Zombies bite people and make more zombies! While this is not traditional reproduction I would say it counts.

power of adaptation to environment through changes originating internally - Board yourself up in a building with zombies around and they will eventually internally adapt to their environment by breaking through the boards.

So I say that zombies are 100% alive and therefore 100% fair game.

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